Halfway to nowhere. Part 1

The calls of night-jar and owl punctuate the stillness of the hours before dawn. Four in the morning and the man who lights the fires under the hot water boilers has been and gone. I lie, wishing for sleep, knowing it’s gone for the night. We must be on the road again, soon.

I don my pink shower cap with piggy ears – yes, really – relish the warmth of a quick shower and towel myself dry, as fast as I can, in the five o’clock chill. Archaeo-man has fetched the sandwiches he made last night from the camp kitchen and by twenty past five we’re on our way.

A first cockerel has begun to crow but there’s not even a hint of sunrise.

The road sign says ‘Chipata 554 km’ but we’re going further – quite a bit further, the distance best left a mystery so as not to dampen the traveller’s spirits.

As we drive through the dark on the Great East Road – a single carriageway but a major artery – we adopt the ritual of night right-indication – it lets the oncoming vehicles see exactly where your boundary lies. The road is wide enough for two big lorries – but only just – and many are ancient, weighed down with overwhelming cargoes – bulging bundles of cotton, heavy sacks of charcoal and people, invisible in the dark, wearing blankets against the cold.

We pass a vehicle with hazard lights flashing on the other side of the road. A man is desperately flapping his arm in the ‘give me a lift, please’ manner that’s customary.

We drive by on the other side.

Our vehicle is an old Toyota Condor that’s seen better days, all enclosed. If it were a Land Cruiser  with an open back …  But it isn’t.

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office advises travellers here not to drive at night – or pick up strangers. We’re semi-compliant, but uncomfortable.

He’s not the last. But he was the most urgent-looking.

An hour later and signs of a pink blush appear in the sky, no longer an impenetrable wall of darkness. The air is fresh, not yet dusty and heat-laden.

Dawn comes with a change of scenery. The flatness of the greater Lusaka area gives way to hills, the hills give way to – I guess – mountains.

The flush of spring is beginning to touch the miombo woodland that covers the slopes like a fuzzy down. Leaves are falling like soft rain and a patchwork of yellow, pink, red and green is a sign that this southern hemisphere winter is on the wane.

As is the chill. We climb higher but it’s not cooler, not at all. Pulling off the road to a lay-by strewn with rubbish and broken glass we relish the majestic views, eat our breakfast of ham and tomato sandwiches and take the chance – between the relative privacy of two card doors and a lull in the traffic – to pee.

Metal road barriers, twisted like soft liquorice, lie beside steep drops. Burnt out vehicles sit beside the road, ghost vehicles waiting for other-worldly passengers. Beauty and danger. Risk and reward.

Archaeo-man is a cautious driver. Steady and not too fast. A slight shudder in the wheels he attributes to a change in road surface. And so it goes. And on we go.

Hot, now, windows open, hours pass. It’s about half past ten when we reach the town of Nyimba. There’s a petrol station, we decide to fill up while we can.IMG_2257[1]

The town is looking tired – not just because it’s Saturday morning and the beer was flowing on Friday. The ‘restaurant’ where Archaeo-man bought goat pie (complete with goat hair) on his last journey through looks shabby – and decidedly unhygienic.

In gear and off again. We swerve around as if drunk (we’re not) avoiding potholes, a skilful game played with two directions of traffic. Fortunately – for the moment – there’s not too much.

The road has deteriorated with every kilometre since we passed Luangwa Bridge, a couple of hours ago. Now it is barely wide enough for the traffic. Each passing, speeding lorry rocks our 4×4.

There’s now a distinct shuddering and the car veers to one side. I pray it’s only a puncture. Archaeo-man jumps down, inspects the wheels and tyres, climbs back in, shrugs.

It’s been about twenty minutes since we filled up.

A goat runs into our path and we swerve to avoid it. The shuddering starts again but now it’s much, much worse. The car jerks to a sudden halt with a horrible shriek.

We’re stopped dead in this narrow road.

On a hill.

I don’t want to describe that moment. That sickening, instant realisation that it’s over. Five hours. Halfway to nowhere, now. Fifteen kilometres from the nearest town, hundreds from Lusaka.

It’s as if we’ve been struck. We both know, without exchanging a word. We’re in trouble.

It’s vital we get the vehicle off the road but the front wheel’s at a crazy angle and we can’t even push her forward.

Reverse works. The two rear wheels drag us back onto the verge – mostly – before the vehicle refuses to budge a further inch.

The road is scratched in a bizarre pattern, fragments of metal leave a silver trail.

We put up red warning triangles to the front and rear as local children, barefoot and dressed in rags, appear.

Archaeo-man pulls out his cellphone and calls the hire company. Assuming they’ll help.

Never assume.

[To be continued]IMG_2259[1]

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An entomologist walks into a bar…

A tiny rainbow, flitting across the Indian Ocean, like a teardrop fallen from God’s eye, a prism for the sun.

I’m awake. Thinking. It’s 2.30 am – or thereabouts. This afternoon, for the first time in a week I checked my emails. The reservoir of worry refilled. Shutting my business down after 14 years. Doing my accounts.

Will we finally make it to see the Minister for Chiefs and Traditional Affairs tomorrow? Are we stuck here, in sweltering Lusaka, forever waiting, forever being flexible?

I flutter around my mind seeking a tranquil place to land, a place of peace, if not quite inspiration.

I try ‘Hail Holy Queen’, but the Mother of Mercy can’t weave her hypnotic magic in my chaotic brain. Too many fragments, making no picture.

What’s that? Baboons? Baboon faeces?

No, I don’t think so. The young Asian American man has a lovely, almost bashful smile. He even – hoorah – downloaded my book (and read two chapters). But, fascinating though his research is – and much as I admire his fortitude, camping out in the bush for weeks on end, sleeping 10 hours a night, tracking through the day and picking up poo, it can’t do the slip-into-slumber trick.

Who else have I met tonight in this melting pot of a place, this intergalactic bar in its lush, boscy setting on the edge of Lusaka?

Ah yes, of course, the dragonfly man.

Morning after the night before

Morning after the night before

He walks slowly. He speaks slowly, a deep growl of a voice. His beard is grey verging on white. I thought at first he was a religious person from some interesting North American sect. But no. He’s an entomologist.

This growly voiced, bearded man studies dragonflies. Possibly slowly.

How beautiful.

They migrate, he tells me.

Puddles dry in the Maldives. Rain approaches India. There’s an ocean to cross for moisture.

That’s when I see it, in my mind’s amazing, wonderful, unpredictable eye. A tiny rainbow, bobbing across the sky. Unseen by all but – well, who knows? Maybe a celestial being, weeping at the beauty – of Nature.

I drift towards that happy state of rest and peace that precedes sleep.

A cock crows. Cattle low. The bicycle pump bird starts its whistling. The mourning dove voices her melancholy to the waking world.

Nature.

Thanks. I’m wide awake as the dawn breaks.

But at least the song of the birds and complaint of the cattle is better than troublesome emails. And the thin Swiss man with the piercing eyes, the man who once bred horses, who speaks so many languages, who’s travelling alone.  He will be there at breakfast. Smoking. Looking enigmatic.

I wonder …

No sleep for the curious.

mary 408

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Subterranean indigestion?

Rotten eggs, a smell I can put a name to, though I don’t think I’ve ever come across the real deal. A rotten egg, I mean.

But now I’m standing in the full glare of the tropical sun, wilting, weary – but willingly breathing in a sulphurous stench.

You might think that makes me just a little bit bananas. To which I might reply, possibly.

Anyway.

David, who’s come along to help us find the right place in the minimum amount of time (not our forte) is crouching over a tiny stream, just where it dips under a rock. He’s about to put an egg in the water with a utensil he borrowed from the kitchen before we set off.

Archaeo-man, meanwhile, is crouched at the base of a small mound above the stream poking around among bits of stone. He knows, even before he picks them up, they’re Later Stone Age. Little chips of rock with sharpened edges, tips for poisoned arrows.

341Sticking out of the ground are bones of small and large antelopes. A bit of lechwe here, a chunk of buffalo – or such-like – there.

Below the mound the parched earth and dehydrated stubble gives way to a lush green fringe of grass around a fountain.

357

A sort of a fountain. No submersible pump. No iron pipe. Just a hole, in a rock. Spurting out steaming water.

It’s the hot spring we came here to see.

Here, a dry, hot, dusty, bumpy, five-hour, pontoon-bridge of a journey away from the farm where we stayed last night.

355A few strides away is a round, innocuous-looking pool, slow-forming bubbles in its middle the only sign that it, too, is a spring. Steam rises like a cloud, it’s hot – very, very hot.

Above the pool, in the rainy season, the ground is soft. Last year two unwary elephants came this way. The first slid in, the second – we’ll never know why – followed. Stuck, the two mastodons stewed, not so gently, in the boiling liquid.

I ask the obvious question and the answer’s yes. The nearby villagers had a feast.

Elephant takeaway. Jumbo kebabs all round.

Which makes me wonder…

Did early humans learn to boil before they learned to barbecue? I can just see Wilma sitting there, patiently boiling guinea fowl in the hot spring, like she has done for years, while Fred chars a tiny antelope over a lightning strike fire he’s just discovered. Then it rains.

Just saying. Barbecues. Stone Age technology in action. OK, if you like that kind of thing, but hardly what you might call efficient.

But what about the egg?

I forgot to tell you. The idea was that it would cook in the spring.

Well, it vanished. Rolled under the rock, down into the depths of the earth where the hot-water god resides.

There he sits, eating hard-boiled eggs. And breathing out.

Egg breath.

feeding the hot water god

feeding the hot water god

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Listen…

There’s something mind-bogglingly awesome on your television.

It’s in between the channels – no picture, just sound.

A noise.

And not just any noise. One hundredth of the fizz-crackle-hiss-buzz sound your blind grey screen’s emitting is something goose-bump-inducingly extraordinary.

Ineffable.

Miraculous.

The sound of creation.

Yes, your delicate, human, evolved-from-apes’ ears could – really could – be hearing the Big Bang’s audible aftermath. Reaching far-flung human beings on Earth more than 13 billion years after it happened.

Now that is cosmic. Awe inspiring. Mind-blowing.

I learn this on a great day out.

Sunday dawns fair-ish. Rain promises. Clouds hover in solitary white pufflets, then big grey bullies arrive, frightening them off.

We decide to skip the 11.30 ‘religious for a year’ appointment with Mass.

Today we’ll be investigating a different kind of mystery.

The universe.

And space.

And time.

On an average day I try hard not to think about these things. My head reaches a certain point and knows, just knows, it cannot cope. It melts my cerebral hard drive.

‘But – where is everything?’ I wail. ‘Where?’

Oh little human, so bounded by the real, the here. The everywhere and nowhere. The now and then.

I cannot comprehend a universe that isn’t SOMEWHERE.

Which, I suppose, means I have to believe in a God. Because that’s the only way I can explain it. There’s more to life than what we know – or can ever know.

But I digress.

Back to Jodrell Bank. The name’s been in my consciousness since my family first had a television. A special late night treat for a little girl – The Sky at Night. Entranced by Patrick Moore and his eyebrows, enthused by the passion of a polymath for things beyond our ken.

IMG_2055A majestic, mysterious piece of music by Sibelius begins and ends the programme and has done for more than 50 years. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lt4z2ntBVg

For me it’s the music of profound humility, acknowledging the immensity of the night sky, the stars, moons, planets – and the galaxies.

So it’s a pilgrimage, really, that we’re making, to this great, white, cathedral of a telescope.

You can’t see anything through it – it’s a radio telescope. You can’t climb onto its dish or up its ladders. It’s surrounded by fecund fields, sheep grazing, daisies blooming.

With a groan the motor starts, chugging like a passing slow train. The great wheels grind and turn, moving the massive structure round at a speed you can barely detect.

Rapt, I watch as the immense white dish tips, moving almost imperceptibly until it’s facing a different way – and you know, it’s listening.

Listening to the universe.

Listening to the past.

As it was in the beginning, is now and . . .

Ever shall be?

World without end?

A-men.

IMG_2064

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On soap, water and being worth it

We’re bumping along a track through scrubby woodland in a because-we-need-it four-by-four.

It’s the end of a dehydrating day spent working in a haze of heat and orange dust.

Digging, sieving, scraping.

Tstetse flies biting through clothing, sweat bees dipping in the corners of our eyes.

We’re tired.

At last we reach the sliver of tarmac that runs through Mfuwe, Zambia.

Sierra Exif JPEGDilapidated businesses in brick and concrete boxes jumble along the edges of the road, ‘God only knows investments’ offering hope, of a kind, for the future, ‘Connie’s beer nest’ just an escape, for a while.

‘Can we stop at Captain Biggie’s?’ asks a young man, perched among buckets at the back.

‘Why?’ asks weary driver, aka, Archaeo-man.

‘I’ve run out of shower gel.’

Archaeo-man tries – and fails – to suppress a snort of derision.

Shower gel?

A bar of pink soap with a scent that no rose knows, maybe.

Eggs, almost certainly.

Loose tea packaged in silver foil, indubitably.

And to go with the tea, a packet of biscuits. Free dead cockroach in the box, if you’re lucky.

But shower gel?

The villages here are clusters of huts, mostly mud-built under thatched roofs. Many just one room.

on the dried up river bed taken from moving carUnder the decaying road bridge, in this dry season, a wide ribbon of sand stretches out where once a powerful river ran. Women and children sit around holes they’ve dug in the sand, gathering water, washing clothes, filling containers to carry back home.

For showers?  I don’t think so.

But back to us.  And the camp.

We’re having our end of day beer. Talking soap. As you do.

I confess I use it to wash my face.

Gasps!

Consternation!

‘You really shouldn’t,’ says young man.

‘Why not?’ I ask with a smile and a tolerant shrug.

‘It’s not good for your skin.’

I’m caught between modesty and a painful awareness of their youth. To them my skin probably looks like a crinkled paper bag that’s been uncrumpled and stretched around my face.

‘Um, I don’t think it’s done me any harm,’ I venture, ‘lots of people my age have more wrinkles than me – and my skin’s really not too bad.’

‘But you ought to use a special cleanser or something, you know, not soap,’ young woman says, grimacing slightly, as if recommending bikini waxing, from a standpoint of tasteful decorum.

‘Why?’ I’m becoming less tolerant now.

‘Because –’

No. It’s no good. I can’t take it. I switch off.

You see they believe, firmly believe – in fact they KNOW – that soap and water’s not just cleansing equipment that’s cheap, lasts a long time and works on ordinary skin – but that it is BAD.

They have faith.

Faith in the healing power of cleansers, toners, exfoliators, moisturisers, serums, masks . . .

So, proclaim it to the world. Wave banners – sound drums – blow trumpets.

Everyone – yes everyone – is worth it.

‘NO!!!’ I want to scream.

‘I am not worth it! You are not worth it. He, she or it is not worth it!’

But it’s a lost cause.

So there we are.

Age gives way to youth. Soap gives way to shower gel – and necessity, to marketing.

Well, at least I’ve had my rant.

Now, where was I?

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Mickey-bear: what Megan really left behind

Sunday morning, a tiny scrap of paper on the floor. A very square scrap of paper.

Odd.

I bend to pick it up and find that it’s not a piece of paper at all.

It’s a little white sticker, with three black circles – spheres – on it.

‘A bear,’ smiles Anthro-man.

A bear? I thought it was Mickey Mouse.

Sierra Exif JPEGMickey-bear it is, then.

We both stare at it, soppy smiles on our faces.

She was lovely, wasn’t she?

She was.

Megan. Two in August, breaking hearts already.

Megan’s mum and dad had come to view our house. We’re selling it.

They have a good look round. They like the house. But the little charmer in the blue and white gingham skirt does something else, something quite amazing.

Her little feet patter across the timbered floor in the hall, scamper around the sitting room. She spies Piglit and Pooh’s pencil box the instant she walks in the study and as for the exercise ball in the junk room – it has her gurgling with delight.

Out in the garden the sun beams on us all and Megan romps onto the lawn, falls down, gets up, falls down with ne’er a wail or whimper.

The step’s good for jumping games – she takes my proffered fingers in her tiny hand as she jumps down,  then crawls back up and jumps down, again and again and again.

A little girl – or boy – belongs here. In a leafy garden on a sunny day.

We’ve grown a lovely garden, created a house we like. It took us years. A not-quite-two-year-old girl made it a home, in seconds.

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A taste of (Pygmies’) honey – and two of the lonely people

 ‘You look tired.’

Just what you want to hear when you’ve put on the face you keep in a jar by the door and stepped out to face the day.

[There’s a bit of a Beatles vibe to this post because we’re slap bang in the middle of Liverpool. You should have spotted three nods to the Fab Four already.]

But there’s no disguising it, I’m on the verge of meltdown from sheer exhaustion.

I’ve been up since five o’clock but awake since three. Most days for the last couple of months I’ve been hyper since at least four. And I love my sleep.

So why the sleep deprivation?

Two hundred anthropologists. From 25 countries. For four days. Here, in Liverpool.

The human equivalent of a murmuration of starlings. You can’t really pin them down, they don’t like rules, they ebb and flow at will and never read anything that looks like it might help them find out what’s going on. A bit of an exaggeration but not that much of one.

All you need is Beatles - 10th Conference on Hunting & Gathering Societies, Liverpool 2013

All you need is Beatles – 10th Conference on Hunting & Gathering Societies, Liverpool 2013

So here I am. Bags under my eyes. Bags over my shoulders. Wheelie suitcase full of books and purse full of change for the sales I hope to make.

Strange people, anthropologists. You take the innate strangeness of many academics anyway and underneath is the weirdness of men and women who’ve danced with Pygmies, hunted with Aborigines, fished with Inuit, who’ve slept in jungles and deserts or tromped savannahs and ice floes.

It takes a very special person to be an anthropologist.

The air vibrates. It’s been pent-up for eleven years, this hubbub, this congregation, this concatenation. A Japanese man wears a white suit. A Malay woman wears harem pants. An Australian woman brings her seven-year old son – a bit unexpected, to be honest.

Anthro-man is worn out before it starts, but there’s no respite. The adrenaline buoys him up and he keeps on going – keeps on sorting out, organising, being tolerant and patient when I’m already at barking stage after five minutes. ‘Read your timetable!’ I order a hapless soul who asks me a question.

By the end of the week we’re like slates wiped clean. Our minds blank. I’m unable to frame a sentence. But there’s one last thing to do.

A renowned and interesting chap from Toronto, a Beatles fan, is staying on. Anthro-man – in a fit of enthusiasm – has promised to show him around.

So, Saturday morning dawns fair. I sleep late. To five o’clock.

I try, twice, to say what I really mean and then give up. ‘Let’s go,’ I finally manage to utter.

Clutching a fistful of Google maps we drive towards the Beatles side of town.

I’ve no idea how I’m going to make it through the day.

But Toronto-man’s a really nice chap and I warm to the task, no longer a chore. Well, OK, the map reading bit’s a chore, mostly because I left a few key ones on the printer.

Forever!

Forever!

But two charming taxi-drivers’ indulgent advice later and we’ve seen Paul’s house, John’s house, Strawberry Field, the place where they met and the graves of Eleanor Rigby and Father McKenzie.

We do the gift shop in the Albert Docks.

And dinner at a smart Italian.

Thank you, nice man for that –  I hope you enjoyed the chance of singing the wrong song (as you realise later) at Strawberry Field.

We reach home, Anthro-man and I, and sink, like deflated balloons, onto soft cushions.

‘Did I tell you?’ he says, then stops.

Can I raise the energy to say, ‘what’?

‘What?’

‘We’ve been given some honey.’

‘Oh.’

Was that worth the effort?

He drags himself off the cushions and delves in his bag. Two little jars emerge.

Music and a taste of two honeys. The Beatles never used an instrument like this one from Zambia, made from gourd, skin, wood and - the strings - recycled rubber from car tyres

Music and a taste of two honeys. The Beatles never used an instrument like this one from Zambia, made from gourd, skin, wood and – the strings – recycled rubber from car tyres

‘Pygmies gathered this in the jungles of Cameroon. One lot’s from stingless bees.’

I love anthropologists.

I think.

I’ll confirm that when I’ve recovered.

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